Why am I an atheist?

Why Am I An Atheist?

I thought for a long time to write about this topic. It took many years to realise that I am an atheist and it took another few years to make peace with the contradictory thoughts about this trait. I never wanted to openly declare what I believed but I realised in the last couple of months that there are many people who are in a confused state about their beliefs. I can feel their dilemma because once I was in the same condition fighting with my own old rigid beliefs. Then there are many blind believers. There are many more who are just following a creed without bothering about whether there is any superhuman entity. Then there are many true believers. I do not intend to shake or uproot anyone's faith nor do I intend to convince them of my convictions. My purpose is to represent an idea of rationality. My intention is to see a country full of people who dwell over any idea, notion, creed, belief, superstition etc before accepting it.

My pain is my attitude of seeing the wrong and then accepting it because the same wrong somehow lessen the pain of the masses. Objectivity can be categorised as a vice if it is seen in this short term perspective. But in the long term, the same pain lowering wrong turns out to be an addiction. An addiction which eats not only their body but also their soul. I can not bear the sight of these drugged people. I would rather see them crying in pain than throwing them into a living hell.

Bhagat singh was right when he said that to be an atheist meant to face the truth. Our inability or rather reluctance to face the truth makes many of us move towards the supernaturals. 

He was right when he said that reasoning and dogmas cannot come together. One has to choose between them. I would suggest reasoning. Atheism is not only about rejection of presence of God but also the need of presence of rationality. An atheist can be anything but not a blind believer. However, I would not argue more on the controversy of God. I am not a superhuman who can present data about the absence of God. I woule elaborate this statement with the help of a dialogue between Buddha and a seeker. The seeker asked Buddha whether there was any God. Buddha answered in negative. But he also said that our knowledge was incomplete  about our surroundings so whatever there was which we did not know must not be called supernatural. He further said that it meant we needed to expand our  knowledge.

I agree with what Buddha said. It is true that we see  several incomprehensible  events, facts, happenings in our surrounding which are beyond our understanding as of now. But that does not mean we should name it God and start worshipping it without reaching the depth or the origin of the event. The exercise become more painful when hypocrisy,  fanaticism and orthodoxy extend their opiating support in favour of blind faith. And furthermore, the allegation of blasphemy is another factor which keeps rationale away. I do not mind being called blasphemous or apostate or in any other negative term. If my negative nomenclature sets in motion a process of reasoning and questioning then I would be happier. As far as our knowlege of truth is concerned, we are still seekers. So it would be good if we try to see the truth behind everything.

My atheism is not always welcomed. And my conviction is not a momentary valour of youth which will fade away with time. I do not know anything about future. All I know about me belong to this moment only.

The need of rationality has always been felt. But I feel its need are greater these days. The cocktail of politics and religion, professions and religion, interpersonal relations and religion etc has become more apparent now. Although the rift between science and religion is shrinking yet the pace is not good. I am aware that changes take time but to make change happen, you need to set in motion the changes you want to see. That need changes within our own systems, both personal as well as collective one. 

The need of change, the search for truth, the rationality and the questioning of old beliefs turned me into an atheist. My life does not revolve around the miracles performed by a superhuman. It revolves around the miracles which are performed by me and the efforts which I have put to make the miracles happen. I see both the pain and the happiness in life. Both are present here. There is heart wrecking pain and there is boundless joy. I have both the experiences and I am now assured that to live a meaningful life, I do not need any God. All I need is a balance between certain facets of this life and an unfathomable spirit to seek the truth.

I was not born an atheist. Rather I made myself into  such after years of restless search, reverence, worship, questioning and reasoning. I had been an obedient Hindu devotee. I spent many years of my childhood worshipping many Hindu Pantheons. I offered prayers, climbed uncountable stairs, lit many earthen candles, recited hymns, read Geeta and other sacred books, visited many temples, talked to many pundits etc but I could not find any answer. Everywhere the answer was the same, boring and monotonous, that is, God will take care of everything. Then came the series of news headlines citing the statistics of brutal rapes, murder, fraud, lynching, fanaticism and what not. I do not deny that there has been no happy news. There are also the happy incidents around us which make us believe that the world is still a beautiful place to live in. But I confronted an indigestible fact then. The fact was that all the good and the bad things are done by humans only. There is no explicit evidence of acts of God.

From then on, the harsh realities and beautiful views both become an easy guess. It became clear that it is only us. We are the doers and we are the gainers. 

Although there came a few times, when my morale was low and conviction was not firm. In those days, I switched from one belief to another. In those days there were  pain and realities which made my nights sleepless. There were many a times when my atheistic beliefs were shaken and I turned into a theist. Then there was a time when I was an agnostic. I did not turn into an atheist in one night. I took toll on me. The search cost me my precious time and peace of mind. My restless state could not let me focus on anything. Although, many a times I accepted things blindly out of frustration but the fire within me could not let me accept things as such. It kept knocking and knocking untill I gave a sound thought to a belief.